Wednesday, March 26, 2008

playing our sad song…

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I know…I know…she is 13 months…and I have nursed her each day of her life up until this point…it is definitely overdue. It is just that weaning is not just about ending the nursing, but it marks my baby growing into a child. I just feel as though another chapter of this little life seems to closing…I am turning the page…slowly…while holding on to it so tightly…not wanting let go but instead I see the pages just seem to fly through my fingers…
we have both been having a rough time with it…

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the time is flying…now I fully understand when I was a young girl and I got so mad at my younger siblings one day for making a huge mess of the house. I was a neat freak and would clean and clean and clean. One day I told my Mom…
“ARGGG…I can’t wait until they all grow up! I hate all these messes!”
I serisouly got a spanking and made her totally cry. I thought it was the most bazzar thing…but now I get her sentiment so profoundly when she responded…
“Oh, Tonya…we won’t have messes…
but then we also won’t have babies anymore…”
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Jason said the same thing this weekend to me when I asked him to change a soiled diaper for me…”gosh, I will be so glad when there are no more diapers…!”
I cried…(yes, that seems to be my signature thing these days.)..and said the same thing my Mom said…
“yes, but then we won’t have babies anymore…
I’ll take the dirty diapers for now…”
I know it should not bring tears to see my children grow…but rather happiness and greatful appreciation for each day that I am blessed to watch them grow and to teach them while they are here. I am grateful they are healthy…that they are strong. Even more…I am thankful for the blessing of my days here on earth to watch over them. In all of life’s fraility, I know I can never take for granted just the miracle of another day with the people I love. I am thankful for the tears in my eyes that teach me that motherhood is beautiful, fun, hard, exhausting, joyous, and even sad at times.

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so Mia…we have been crying together…I know this change has not been easy for you either, but it is all well. I love you sweet baby…i mean…big girl…I am so happy to have you in my life!

xoxo

Mommy

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16 comments

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Sharon - March 26, 2008 - 7:23 am

Oh Tonya…you don’t need to worry about having no more babies in your house, because it doesn’t matter how many years they are…they will always be your babies. Besides, with each year they grow, there will be different experiences for you to all share together. Grow together, not apart. You are all on a journey through life together & what fun you will have, so let them grow up & just support them and guide them along the way.
Love you with hugs & kisses,
Sharon:)
p.s. LOVE!!!!! the photos!

Kelle - March 26, 2008 - 9:01 am

Awww…she’ll always be you widdle baby! I cried when mine was 2 days old because “she’ll never be one day old again.” I am reminded though that, although it’s like trying to hold water in your hand…and it just seeps through your fingers no matter how hard you try to hold it, the puddle it makes on the floor is just as beautiful. Divine pix!

hansenfive - March 26, 2008 - 9:13 am

she looks so cute. i’m glad rob also gets sad as they grow. he told me a little while back that he misses some of the things Paige did when she was Nash’s age. I just told him “that’s why we keep having babies, so we enjoy the babytime”. I’m glad he understood.

Good to hear the weening has started. It’s a sad time. I cried when Nash weened himself. Rob thought I was a crazy women getting upset over something like that….but that’s what I do.

p.s. if you can kick diet coke, then you can do this. LOL j/k

Tisha - March 26, 2008 - 9:37 am

I loved reading your post and seeing your “works of art”. Thank you for the reminder to cherish everyday of their young lives. Your big girl née baby girl is adorable.

poppyart - March 26, 2008 - 11:20 am

How heart-wrenching! Thank you for the reminder to relish our beautiful boys. Every dirty nappy and spilled water cup will be appreciated now. This is my first visit to your site, I will be back, Bridget, Hertfordshire. UK.

Kelly - March 26, 2008 - 12:42 pm

This is beautiful! I’m having a little girl next week and I’m going to savor every moment thanks to you!! xoxo

~love - March 26, 2008 - 3:43 pm

crying your same thankful/happy/sad tears. =)

Anonymous - March 26, 2008 - 4:08 pm

I agree with Sharon. My son is nearly 10 now and I tell him all the time that even when he’s 50 he’ll still be my baby. It’s hard sometimes seeing them grow but as my Mom said to me, “Be glad and rejoice in their growth your sadness would be greater if they didn’t.” Thinking of you both, Donna

Becky & Joseph - March 26, 2008 - 8:22 pm

That was so sad! They really do change a ton right at this point! She’s such a sweetheart and will always be your sweet baby, but I know how that doesn’t necessarily make things easier right now.

Tammy - March 27, 2008 - 3:53 am

My thoughts are with you Tonya! I’ve been struggling the last few days with wether or not to go back to work. It has been horrible. I don’t want to miss any moment away from baby. We can talk about it on Saturday. Good luck with the weaning and hang in there.

pickles*and*co - March 27, 2008 - 12:36 pm

Oh my goodness!!!! I am absolutely LOVING all of your photos!!! Especially that new header photo. You totally inspire me!!

Nic - March 27, 2008 - 1:08 pm

i hear ya on this, sweets. i miss the little versions of my children even as i enjoy their current selves and look forward to loving the future versions of who they’ll become. it’s all one jumbled mix of joy and sorrow–so much of life is, don’t you think?

ps love the new header–delish!

megduerksen.typepad.com - March 27, 2008 - 9:38 pm

i needed to hear this today.
i was having a “i wish they’d all just grow up” kind of day. and i was so happy they all went to bed.
and now i feel guilty.
:(
but there is tomorrow to be a better happier mom.
hug your baby.
i miss my babies.
3 is the youngest around here. and 13 is the oldest…she’s no baby.

Sue - March 28, 2008 - 1:04 am

Tonya,
Yes, I have tears running down my cheeks as I read your beautifully emotional thoughts about the loves of your life. Motherhood, as well as life in general, is (to quote you) “beautiful, fun, hard, exhausting, joyous, and even sad at times.” That’s what makes it so precious. Your heart is in the right place. Keep counting your blessings.
Love, Mom

Jessica - April 4, 2008 - 2:02 pm

i love the angle you took of her little feet under the piano!

pakosta - April 8, 2008 - 1:45 pm

sweet sad post!
i nursed my baby girl ava til she was 3 years old! she just would NOT QUIT! and after my oldest hated nursing and quit at 10 months, i felt like i wanted to keep going!
so funny that i have a daughter named ava and a niece named mia! cute names!
tara

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