planting seeds…

yesterday we rolled out a big roll of paper, dumped the crayons on top, and colored together.  The day had been going a little crazy and I just decided it was time to just sit down together and have “art time” (as my girls call it…)

Ella started with a rainbow…I watched her cute little hands guide the bowed colors as they came together perfectly to create something so beautiful.  I loved hearing her talk about her day and the look in her eye as I told her how beautiful her drawing was…

Ava first played out side in the little pool and Mia rode her little scooter with her bottle in tow as her favorite side kick…

they came in to see what Ella and I were up to, and I decided to doodle out a little tree. 

Adam napped in the little pack & play feet away in the family room. 

Warm air blew in the kitchen slider and the smell of summer wafted in the room from the fresh grass clippings that filled the air.  Little drips of hose water stained the drawing as Ava climbed up to join in on the crayola time…

I gave my tree a few red apples and Ava requested green, then ella pink, and so I threw in some blue for my Mia Blue…

I sat back and watched the girls all quietly coloring and took a deep breath.  It felt like the first in a while.  It felt like the first quiet moment in a while.  Then I took in the moment with such an appreciation for the beauty that surrounded me. 

 

You know, I am freshly aware that one of the greatest challenges to a young mother is to truly enjoy the sweetness of this time of our life while we are in it

No doubt, we will all look back on the time when our children are young with such tenderness; it will forever be reveled as a time of innocence and purity and I have no doubt that we will wish it back…we will wish it back. 

I am already wishing it back. 

The beauty of it is…this time is both brutally hard, exhausting, and frustrating…but it is equally magical,

yes…magical,

and beautiful, and amazing… 

I know for me, sometimes the hard things outshine the good.  I always feel so sad when I end up in bed in tears over the bad mommy day I had, how I was so grumpy, impatient, or just so negative about the day.  The best cure for me is to look over my sleeping babes and take a quiet moment (usually much too far past midnight) and open my eyes wide to my reality.  

Then I see the seeds I have been dropping along the way…

 the kisses I give…

blooming…

the bodies I feed, care for, hold, and chase around…

growing…

the little people who I take for granted that they will always be there…as little children…

becoming…

…I found myself distracted in the busy swift pace of the day…then I looked down and saw what ella was creating…

and I saw a seed growing…a new tree being created…just like me…just like mine…that would not be there…if it were not for me…

everyday is important. 

every moment is important.

the good ones.

the bad ones.

every seed that is planted will grow…into something beautiful…

xoxo

Tonya

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julie - May 22, 2009 - 4:40 am

seriously. you make me cry pretty much every single time i read a post.
beautiful.
thank you.

sharon - May 22, 2009 - 6:22 am

It’s very simple…because all I want to say is…
I LOVE YOU TONYA and I am so proud of the woman & mother you are!
Love,
Sharon:)

Lane - May 22, 2009 - 7:58 am

My Google Reader listed you in my top recommendations a few weeks ago and I’ve so enjoyed looking at your beautiful pictures! They inspire me!!!
This post is wonderful. My first child will be 8 months on Tuesday and I can’t believe how fast the time has gone by already. I try to truly cherish every moment, but even as I do, the moments seem to go by too fast.
Thanks for the great post!! :)

Whitney :) - May 22, 2009 - 9:31 am

Tonya … wow … what an amazing reminder of how the time flies and also a reminder of how hard parenting is and that we all feel we have “bad mommy” moments when our frustration gets the best of us. thank you!

PamperingBeki - May 22, 2009 - 9:36 am

Beautiful, Tonya.

And I say it again, blogging (for me at least) forces me to stop and recognize these blessings and moments.

I think my favorite picture here is the 8th one down, where she’s reaching for a crayon. I love the faded, desaturated look of them.

Herlehy - May 22, 2009 - 10:10 am

You have four AMAZING little seeds that are growing into big little people so quickly. Darling pictures! I just got Adam’s birth announcements, it was so cute! You are so AMAZING with so many wonderful talents. I really wish we were neighbors.

kristina - May 22, 2009 - 11:21 am

did you have to make me cry? beautiful. it sums up how i feel everyday. kids are hard!
you just do the best you can everyday. they will remember the fun things that you do together. they will remember that you were there for them. (hopefully not yelling, mommy is going crazy days, in my case.) hang in there.
p.s.
aren’t chubby babies the best?

Kristi - May 22, 2009 - 11:39 am

This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Ashley HAwkes - May 22, 2009 - 1:37 pm

You just put into words what I have been feeling lately. Thank you

Sarah - May 22, 2009 - 1:48 pm

You leave me speechless, with tear filled eyes…

Bethany - May 22, 2009 - 1:49 pm

Wow Tonya…what a beautiful post. But I always love your posts. So real, so true. Thanks for the reminder to cherish my little ones today and every day. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day and then look back and realize that my time was not spent how I wanted it to be. Today isn’t going to be one of those days. Thank you.

Katrina - May 22, 2009 - 4:20 pm

tonya, thanks for the inspiration. I try to keep these thoughts in focus everyday. (I don’t always succeed, but each day is a new day.) Love you. ~Katrina

Krystal - May 22, 2009 - 6:55 pm

What a beautiful moment. Beautiful post. We all need to sit back and take that deep breath and take it all in.

Andrea - May 22, 2009 - 7:19 pm

thank you for the reminder, *tears in my eyes…*

Ashley - May 22, 2009 - 7:45 pm

Oh my gosh, I love, love, love this post!!! I love the colors and all the shots. You are an amazing photographer!!

Sheryl Holmes - May 22, 2009 - 8:17 pm

Drink deep these moments…because you are right, they pass so swiftly, kisses planted firmly sometimes blow in the wind too far away….so my darlin’ keep up the great job of taking it all in and breathingly deeply it’s beauty!

Becky - May 23, 2009 - 12:48 am

Amen and amen! I know we will wish these moments back! I’m also trying to enjoy the moments for what they are now and not get too wrapped up in the mundane, everyday things that have to get done that aren’t so fun. If only I could have a cook and a maid, I could totally do the mommy thing so much more enjoyably, but that’s not how it goes I guess. I’m sorry for the days you’re ever crawling into bed with tears, but I know you’re an amazing momma, and those little girls are going to want their trees exactly like yours because you’re their hero and the love of their lives, and that’s what makes it all worth it. Love ya!

Becky

Donna - May 23, 2009 - 1:42 am

Enjoy every single second good bad and ugly because you turn around and it’s only a memory. They grow so quickly and every moment is a moment to make a memory. Thanks for reminding us all to slow down and do the same. Donna

Diana - May 25, 2009 - 10:08 pm

Tonya,

This was an absolutely beautiful post. Your blog always remidns me that I have to cherish my sweet daughter & these precious, everyday moments with her more. The laundry can wait, but time just won’t. Thank you for that.

And that photo of the curl? Oh my gosh – priceless!

Tyler Jorgenson - May 26, 2009 - 1:25 am

What a fantastic post. I loved the comparison of the tree you drew and the new tree being ‘like you’.

Keep watering those cute seeds of yours.

Vanessa T - May 26, 2009 - 9:00 pm

Oh Tonya, you never fail to make me cry. Beautiful girls (and beautiful baby boy!), beautiful words and the Mum you are is the Mum I wish every single child in the word had. Perfect – in your honesty and raw emotion, in just being you.

You bring me a gift with every post – the gift of inspiration.

Love,

Vanessa xoxoxox

Tami - May 27, 2009 - 2:47 pm

I havent been on your site for some time. Your children are beauitful as always and I am at Awww, with your talent photography skills. Cherish each day and every moment you have with each one of your Children. Time is going by sooo fast.
Love the photo’s

Paige Carter - May 28, 2009 - 8:10 am

So cute kids Tonya !

Rachel - May 28, 2009 - 8:43 pm

This post reminded me again why my blog is called “In This Moment” ~ I had the worst mommy day today and it was meant to be that I read this post tonight. Thank you.

Angel - June 1, 2009 - 8:20 pm

Wow! Love the commentary. These are my favorite photos of your children. Just beautiful!

chrystal (mommafo) - June 8, 2009 - 11:58 am

Thank you for this… I too often take my miracles for granted. My 3 beautiful girls and little boy on the way.

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