Saturday, July 14, 2012

one more for love…

it is funny how life seems to work itself out perfectly if you just take a leap of faith.

About a year ago, I found myself really struggling with whether or not i wanted another baby. The struggle, now, seems like a joke.  I am not sure why I made it so hard for myself but I remember it distinctly.  I was really unsure.  So much of me wanted to have another one.  The mother in me that is.  In fact, the thought of being “done” was really sad and not at all a peaceful feeling like I really wanted to feel.

I just worried…

I was “in a good place” I thought to myself.

I was in pretty good shape, had been training for half marathons, just finished working out with a personal trainer, i was getting really good at juggling the crazy balance of mother and photographer, and I was in a really good and busy place building my wedding photography biz. But…i couldn’t get the thought of another little baby out of my head. I struggled for months.  My heart pulled for another one, but I was really afraid to let go of what I was enjoying in my personal life. I guess, I got kinda distant from that voice that really speaks of who I truly am as a person and a mother. You can say I got a little distracted…caught up…and felt scared to let go of everything that I had going in MY life.

I remember talking it over with Jason and he said, “Tonya, the you from 5 years would kick yourself in the butt if she heard you struggling over this.” I felt pretty bad when he said that, because I knew he was right. But I am so thankful for his honesty because I really needed the reminder of what was really gonna matter most to me when it was all said and done.  I knew I would never regret having another one…and words can’t express the joy that has come to my family because of that choice.

thankfully most of the experience I was wise enough to document in photos…these I cherish as they tell the story of this babe and this time of my life.  (so thankful to my sister gena for the maternity shoot and the birth photos)…

so i share with you…a story…a bit of a dream…and the birth of a new little one that has stretched all our hearts to love a little more…

 

thanks for letting me share a piece of my heart…

xoxo

tonya

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8 comments

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Maggie - July 14, 2012 - 10:25 pm

Congratulations on your new little boy! You looked radiant before and after he was born! Loved hearing your story. We’re expecting #4 next month. I am a little nervous bringing another one into the world, but know we’ll never regret it and feel very blessed with this gift. God bless you all!

Julie - July 14, 2012 - 10:39 pm

So beautiful. So much love.
I am right were you were. Wrestling with wanting number five…

Sigh.

You make motherhood lovely. Lovely and real.

Ruth - July 15, 2012 - 5:09 am

oh my goodness
that was so beautiful Tonya
well done and how beautiful
one more for love
I’m feeling a bit jaded as a mom of six, 15-3 years old, and even though we will not be having another, you have ignited the joy of a new baby in me again. the joy and pride in the great grandparent’s faces in holding your new son, down to the children’s delight, and dad’s proud smiles, and mom’s cry of joy at seeing her newborn – all so beautiful and a testament to how you and Geena are so in tune with one another. she was able to do for you what you do for so many others, in capturing the beauty and joy and love and emotion of this season.
your pregnancy shoot was very beautiful. my favourite of the whole shoot was you and your hubby walking eyes down, with the light coming through his elbow. that one just really appealed to me because of the expressions on your faces. mom and dad of soon to be five, sharing the journey, and all that entails – the joys and the tough times. I could see that in your faces.
and my favourite of your new baby is the one with the stripey hat with him leaning on his elbows, so perfect.
so well done Geena for a truly stunning collection of photos that capture so much. rich, rich rich family.
love love the celebration of a new baby and how you captured that. it it truly a miracle and your pics brought me into that again.
also love your hubby’s comment to you about grappling with number 5 – he knows you so well, and seems to be a strong and wise man. wonderful to see all you little ones together. been so long since you posted of them – your eldest with big front teeth now, and little boy so big!
I always loved your family posts before you got busier with clients – to me they are your best posts and pictures! well done for giving so many other people ‘the best pictures’ too – of their own families.
thanks SO MUCH for posting
Ruth in New Zealand

Ruth - July 15, 2012 - 5:10 am

oh my goodness
that was so beautiful Tonya
well done and how beautiful
one more for love
I’m feeling a bit jaded as a mom of six, 15-3 years old, and even though we will not be having another, you have ignited the joy of a new baby in me again. the joy and pride in the great grandparent’s faces in holding your new son, down to the children’s delight, and dad’s proud smiles, and mom’s cry of joy at seeing her newborn – all so beautiful and a testament to how you and Geena are so in tune with one another. she was able to do for you what you do for so many others, in capturing the beauty and joy and love and emotion of this season.
your pregnancy shoot was very beautiful. my favourite of the whole shoot was you and your hubby walking eyes down, with the light coming through his elbow. that one just really appealed to me because of the expressions on your faces. mom and dad of soon to be five, sharing the journey, and all that entails – the joys and the tough times. I could see that in your faces.
and my favourite of your new baby is the one with the stripey hat with him leaning on his elbows, so perfect.
so well done Geena for a truly stunning collection of photos that capture so much. rich, rich rich family.
love love the celebration of a new baby and how you captured that. it it truly a miracle and your pics brought me into that again.
also love your hubby’s comment to you about grappling with number 5 – he knows you so well, and seems to be a strong and wise man. wonderful to see all you little ones together. been so long since you posted of them – your eldest with big front teeth now, and little boy so big!
I always loved your family posts before you got busier with clients – to me they are your best posts and pictures! well done for giving so many other people ‘the best pictures’ too – of their own families.
thanks SO MUCH for posting
Ruth in New Zealand

Lisa Jay - July 15, 2012 - 6:35 am

Wow. This series of pictures is so beautiful & precious beyond words. Congratulations on your new baby boy! Everyone looks delighted to welcome him. xx

Herlehy - July 15, 2012 - 10:21 am

Amazing photos and such a beautiful baby boy…congratulations!!!

Tegyn - July 15, 2012 - 11:10 am

Tonya. These are so beautiful. His birth photos had me in tears! So emotional. and so so so much love in those. I am so happy for you and your family of 7!! You are one beautiful mama inside and out. How lucky are your 5 littles!!

Sara Duckett - July 15, 2012 - 9:06 pm

So gorgeous Tonya! I loved what you wore in all of your maternity pics! You have a beautiful family that is obviously blessed with an abundance of love.

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