the day started out beautiful…Jason and I walked hand and hand behind a very eager kindergartner who was ready to take on the world…
my heart grew an inch or two, as I watched someone very special embark on something so new.
the day was very happy and I cried a few love tears for my ella…
love tears..sweet and beautiful…
later that day, my dad called from his nightly walk and we chatted about ella’s first day at school and talked about how great the day was…
then my dad told me something I was not quite prepared for…
“well, it looks like mom has breast cancer”….
I
grew
up
in that moment.
The world took on a fresh face and I literally transformed from a child to an adult in a matter of seconds. I have never felt so weak and so strong at the same time…
My heart was full and I knew this was one of the most important things my Dad had ever told me…
and I was only just about to understand how much my father loves my mother.
A few minutes after hanging up the phone, I walked into the room where my 3 little girls danced around the living room with their Hannah Montana wigs on rocking out their little guitars…I stood and looked at them while holding Adam on my hip…they were so happy and vibrant as they played together…I walked out of the room and slowly the music and giggles turned into a soft echo as I neared Jason working on the upstairs computer.
I found his arms to be the only place I wanted to be…
and then…
I cried love tears…love tears unlike anything I have ever felt…i felt so much love for my Mom…those tears taught me how much I really do love her…
she is the glue that holds this beautiful family together…we are so blessed to have her in our lives…
Yes, I somehow learned to love and appreciate my Mom more than I already thought possible…I didn’t feel scared, I still am not scared…I just felt so much love and sorrow for the tough times that were ahead for my Mom.
I knew, I know, she will get through this…but this was going to be one of the greatest trials of her life.
It has been a few weeks since she has learned her diagnosis and she has graced surgery and her treatment with an optimism that holds true to the woman I am so blessed to have as my mother.
I will never forget seeing my father at her bedside in the hospital…what a blessing for any daughter to see her father love and support her mother as I have.
My Dad is amazing…I am so thankful that my Mother has such a wonderful man at her side…
The truth is, on my end, there is not balance in this…the good I am seeing, the beauty, the strength, the love, and the hope clearly is outweighing the bad. My Mom’s example is always positive and upbeat, and it is a blessing to see her face this cancer with that same optimism. She started chemo this week and to watch her go through this is the most humbling thing I have ever seen…
My sister Gena shared this on facebook. It was stunning…
“My heart is full….love…admiration…My beautiful Mom started Chemo today. She asked me today if I would help her cut off all her hair…I will never forget that experience….being trusted to chop off her long, gorgeous hair…all while she had a… smile on her face. Being there…with those scissors in my hand…taught me such a powerful lesson … I love you, Mom! Thank you for always being so happy!”
This last week, I took my girls up to see her before she started the chemotherapy. We wanted to hug and squeeze her a bit before her compromised immune system would keep our visits on hold for some months…it was awesome to be there.
I was so blessed to assist gena on a photo shoot that defines me in so many ways. I am not sure if I will ever photograph something so beautiful as I did that evening…
I saw my parents that night as two people…young…and in love…supporting and cherishing each other…
you know, cancer does not know that my mom is one of the most amazing people in my life…
…cancer does not know that she has brought 6 beautiful babies into this world…and that she is the love of some 15 grandbabies (and more to come for sure 
)…
…cancer does not know that she has the best jokes on the planet…that she is the last person to think of her self…and that everything good her daughters do as mothers is largely due to her example…
…cancer does not know that my dad is much stronger that it is…that his strength combined with hers is un-beat-able…
and that there is an army behind them…some crawling, walking, being carried, and the rest of us hand in hand ready to fight…
cancer does NOT know who it is messing with…
we love and support you, Mom…
you will get throught this…
all will be well…
I love you…
xoxo
Tonya
(p.s. I will be forwarding all comments on to my Mom to send a little cheer her way…thank you for your beautiful support!)
