while it stings a bit to realize, it also refreshes the appreciation to really relish in the here and now…

knowing that all too soon…it will pass and we will be left holding tightly to our memories…and cherishing keepsakes we have made of this time…

the times when our laps, hands, and hearts were so full…

the times that a simple smile meant the world…(and we acted like clowns trying to create one )

when kisses were magical…

and innocence, trust, and hope danced around in little bodies and left giggles in the air…

we work so hard as parents…to provide, the achieve, to become…always working to be who or what we think we want to be…always looking up…looking forward…

all the while are greatest dreams in this sweet time of life usually stand no taller than 3 feet …

looking up to us with unconditional love…

filling our world, daily, with the most chaotic, beautiful, frustratingly perfect US that we are right now…

who we are right now…

in the heaven of our lives…

tripled to perfection…

caught in moments…

in a smile that is here forever no matter how big our little dreams grow and how far away they will move one day…

so here in a morning…spent laughing, smiling, running, playing, and sitting…together…a keepsake is created…

look at you…look at who you are all…

your family is beautiful…

blessed…

captured in time…forever…your family in this incredibly special time of your lives…

enjoy each other…

thanks for letting me come along to make a few memories…

xoxo

Tonya

we had double and triple-dipping in the homemade salsa…

little voices chiming in together reviewing the lessons learned in school today…

adam made several attempts to finger-paint with my guacamole…

and mia rehearsed over and over again how she would appear as the little mermaid and say “trick or treat” with her famous beautiful smile and big eyes…

the food was good…but the moments…those tender moments as an observer of the beauty around that table tonight were some of the most delicious in a while…

 I sat there feeling as though I opened my eyes for the first time in a while and saw my kids…

how beautiful they were…how beautiful they are…

I was filled with gratitude that we are a family…forever…

I tried to fight back tears, but my heart just let go of them…In a moment, I was given such a firm reminder of how incredibly blessed I am to have the people in my life who I love. 

the days have been busy…filled with loads of fun…funny things have been happening this week…
my kids well…this sweet little gal…has had me on my toes

in fact, if you were to read my Ava’s “to-do” list for the week…it would read like this:

Friday:  Spray entire can of hair spray out in living room creating a magical cloud of sweet smelling magic.  Be sure carpet gets real sticky and crusty.  Make the room smell like a beautiful cloud of white nectarine. check.

Saturday:  Sprinkle entire container of pink glitter in living room…be sure to get on couch, piano, pillows, carpet, and little sister.  Make the room a dreamy magical fairy land. So pretty that all guests will think they are in a princess heaven. check.

Sunday:  Assist Mia in making powdered sugar cupcakes in living room.  Ingredients needed: nearly the entire box of powdered sugar and loads of giggles.check.

Monday: I think I will let momma regain sanity. check.

Tuesday: Sneak into kitchen cabinets and get food coloring to make momma’s magical colorful abelskeviers.  Recruit little sister to be kitchen assistant or partner in crime…whichever you prefer .   Colors needed: blue, yellow, red, and green.  Hide behind piano and attempt to open without mommy noticing the house is really quiet….

THANK GOODNESS…I was quick today and kept a close eye on them…I got to the food coloring right before they opened those bottles…*gasp* I can only imagine what damage that would have done!

Needless to say…Ava and I are working out some kinks and I am working hard to keep her busy and keeping my eye on her

in other news…

My little guy will be 6 months soon…

I can’t believe how fast he is growing…he is the love of my life…I feel so blessed to be his momma and he is one of the happiest souls I know…

he is crawling…sitting…well…for a few seconds at a time

 we are so blessed!

i will be peeking in with some more sneak peeks of some photography work I have been blessed with!

have a beautiful night!

xoxo

Tonya

Yes..I think this has been my year where I finally made that transition…(a late bloomer, I suppose…) and I am so grateful for the perspective gleaned…

first boy…(oh my heavens one of the best episodes of my life)…first days of kindergarten…first time being able to really feel I can give to someone who has given everything to me…first time in a long time to get to sit and enjoy church without chasing kids in the hall…it has been a time of new attitudes and perspectives and, sometimes, I feel like I have truly only just begun to understand what it means to love my husband…to put him first as he has really put me first…

…how we are blessed to grow and mature as these changes come…this is the first time that my girls ava and ella have been separated from each other…14 months apart in age has brought them a lot of the same outfits, same rooms, same activities, heck, most the time they use the same toothbrush!

 But this year is the first time that my Ava has stayed back and watched Ella do something for the first time alone. 

I really did not know it was having an impact on her until I ended up being dropped off by daddy on a 1 mile “screaming and throwing things in the car means you. are. busted. let’s. get .out. of the car. and walk home!!!! ” walk with my little girl.  We talked about a lot of things…one being how Ella was in Kindergarten. 

That is when she looked down at the ground and told me….

“Ella is in kindergarten because she is smart.  Ella is the smart one, that is why I am not a school-girl.” 

After picking up my c-r-u-m-b-l-e-d heart off the hot sidewalk…I reached down to my little one, looked into her big blue eyes, and told her that I loved her so much. 

All of the “sames” they share sometimes makes us all forget that Ava is still younger than Ella…(even Ava forgets that.)  I explained that Kindergarten is for 5 year olds and that she will go next year…we talked all about it and I was so relieved to see a smile come to her face and the silly vava we all love take over the rest of out “time-out” walk home.  I am so thankful for the lessons I learn as a Mom.  I am so thankful for my tender children and their sweet sensitive spirits…

So, today..on a whim (actually…truth is I botched a simple bang trimming )…we headed out together for a little special attention.  We went to go get a new hairdo and a little pampering for my sweet Ava Girl…

(it was her FIRST hair cut at a salon and she did GREAT!)

I quite honestly am hopelessly in love with how it turned out…

(BRITAIN! Thank you so much for the girls matching dresses and Adam’s little outfit…WE love them. The girls have been wearing them for 2 days straight…I could barely get them in Jammies last night!. Adorable dresses…)

(yes…it is a little choppy …but I love it!!!)

and this is not the first time I thank my lucky stars for the privilege of being Ava’s mommy…

I love you ava…you are beautiful…funny…witty…a little wild (but we love it)…SO SMART…and one of the first true blessings to come into our lives when you did…

truth is…sweetheart, kindergarten needs another year to get ready for you!  You are amazing girl!

(ALEX…your post is coming soon )

xoxo

Tonya
 

my grandparents spoiled jason and I by watching the littles, so we could step out for a little while alone with our big school girl…

who had the mommy kindergarten paparazzi in tow…

Ella practically ran to class (well, she did, we had to remind her that we were coming with her )

so cute seeing her little form cruising along with the big kids…

her sweet teacher…

Jason and I loved being in her classroom with her for a few minutes…

she quickly investigated the place and found some pretty cool stuff…

one with a very proud mama…

the kids all gathered to hear the “kissing hand” book be read.  It was about a little racoon who was very scared and sad to leave his mommy to go to kindergarten…

the mommy teaches the little racoon about the kissing hand…they exchange kisses on each other’s hands to carry along with eachother throughout their day apart…whenever they miss each other, they take a little a little kiss saved on their hand…

Ella was so cute here listening to the story…I saw her wipe a few tears away, but missed them with my camera…it was not that she was sad…but just touched by the sweet story…(I am sure she gets her sappy emotions from mommy)…

at the end of Class, Ella gave one kissing hand to Daddy and Mommy…

I was brave and did not cry one tear…

not until we walked out of class that is…so thankful I had Jason to hold my hand on the walk back to the car…

we are so proud of our Ella!

Hope everyone had a beautiful day!

xoxo

Tonya

one person’s greatest feat…their every effort…may seem like nothing to the next person…

that is the beauty of success…it is measured truly only by us…only we can decide what is most important to us…

I can appreciate the “finer things in life”…just like anyone else…but you know…nothing…

nothing…

 is quite as rich as moments like these…

looking into this face and seeing a baby grow into a little girl about to embark on her biggest new adventure…

…this milestone once seemed like an eternity away, yet creeped up at light speed…

kindergarten…

 my Ella…

my baby…

…is starting kindergarten tomorrow…

she is serious…a bit playful…and very excited to start school…

Ella and I had so much fun shopping for some school clothes, got our nails painted, and talked about how exciting starting school would be…

seeing my babes grow, sharing their days with them, teaching them….and coming to these milestones with smiles and a few tears is one of many of my life’s successes…and I have been thinking about that a lot lately…

I am constantly trying to keep my focus and dedicate myself to being successful at the right things…

I am amazed at the potential that we all carry within ourselves…I admire the abilities and talents that we as mother’s have been given and cultivate within ourselves…I remember some challenging and killer shifts in my (short) career as a nurse, I love the opportunities I get to get out and make pretty pictures for people, I love learning new things and creating…

but today…as I sit here with both my heart half empty and aching, and full as ever with joy, I realize that motherhood will always be my greatest success in life.  It is my privilege to pour my heart, soul, and talents into it…

I am thankful for that privilege…it truly is nothing less than the greatest work I will ever do…

ella is so cute and sensitive…I found her dressing for bed the other night…

“they sure grow up fast”…she said as she looked out the window as she donned her latest hannah montana bedtime get-up…

I asked her why she said that…if she had overheard someone talking like that…

she said…”I just am not your baby girl anymore…” and she started to tear up and reach out for me…

I took her in my arms and told her about how much I cherished what a sweet and beautiful baby she was…I shared all my favorite memories of each of her many 5 years of life and finished up by telling her that I am not sad she is not a baby anymore…that I love her more today than ever before…that watching her grow is one of the best things in my life…

she hugged me and looked up and I could see her frown slip away into a smile…and then she showed me for the 100th time what outfit she was to wear on the first day of school…

these moments…the every days that we are given…the ones that often feel boring…frustrating…”a waste”…like we are doing nothing important…that we are doing nothing that makes us successful…

can be our greatest successes…

these smiles are our paychecks…

(she was totally giggling as she watched a rollie pollie “attack” my arm…apparently those little things are quite dangerous )

here’s to being successful at the right things…

 good luck tomorrow Ella!  We are so proud of you…

watch out world…here she comes!

xoxo

mommy

 We are blessed to have Jason home for the summer school period and focusing on working one of his two jobs for now…the girls love having their Daddy home and I kinda like it too

The past 10 weeks have sped by and it seems like ages ago that Adam was born.  There are days that I feel like a child again…learning by baby steps the tricks to managing the busy and beautiful life of being a mother of 4 small children.  I sure have had some bruised knees as I have fallen a few times here and there as I learn the ropes of maintaining a good balance as a mommy to very young babes.  I just brush myself off and try at it again.  I am learning (well trying) to let my house stay messy…the laundry to pile (a little)…and that too much time on the computer makes my brain mush and my heart empty (can you resonate?)…

…and I am growing to love my husband more each day.  I am incredibly blessed and so thankful for him…from helping with our children, sweeping up messes, and reaching out to pick me up when I feel like I am “melting.”   Thank you Jason, I love you and appreciate you so much.  You bring me to my knees in gratitude for this life we are blessed with (4 kids in 5 years…who woulda thought?) and remind me of how important it is to remember always what is truly most important…our family…

…so in these 10 weeks I have brought a new child into the world…a soul so bright and good…I have learned to love my girls more…I have cried…I have laughed…and probably cried a little more

I have seen beauty behind and in front of a camera…I have fought baby blues…I am holding on to good habits and am trying to let go of bad ones (always working on this one)…I have seen my husband hold a son in his arms and found so much joy in seeing my girls love their brother…i have been reminded over and over again that it is the simple things that matter most…that time is the greatest gift…

…i have never felt so exhausted…*deep sigh*…but i have also never felt so alive…

there have been so many days I have lost my voice…and so many moments that breathe it back into me…

so here i am on my blog…i am finding my voice…again…with the still and timeless images like this one…

my son…how could you have only been in this world for 10 weeks?  how did we ever live a moment without you?

and this one…(he did his first ever oh so adorable giggle in this one…forever caught in this image…)

“TOUCHDOWN!!!”

 {these images are for you jase…sorry for the slobber on your good football  } 

here’s to finding a voice…finding the voices that matter most…

the one in our heart that leads us where we need to go…

the light and little ones that tug on our bodies now …only to tug on our hearts later  when they soon will play only in our memories…

the deeper voices of those who love and support us…

and our own…

have a beautiful weekend

(off to bake M&M cookies with my girls…be back soon with some beautiful wedding images )

xoxo

Tonya

Ella started with a rainbow…I watched her cute little hands guide the bowed colors as they came together perfectly to create something so beautiful.  I loved hearing her talk about her day and the look in her eye as I told her how beautiful her drawing was…

Ava first played out side in the little pool and Mia rode her little scooter with her bottle in tow as her favorite side kick…

they came in to see what Ella and I were up to, and I decided to doodle out a little tree. 

Adam napped in the little pack & play feet away in the family room. 

Warm air blew in the kitchen slider and the smell of summer wafted in the room from the fresh grass clippings that filled the air.  Little drips of hose water stained the drawing as Ava climbed up to join in on the crayola time…

I gave my tree a few red apples and Ava requested green, then ella pink, and so I threw in some blue for my Mia Blue…

I sat back and watched the girls all quietly coloring and took a deep breath.  It felt like the first in a while.  It felt like the first quiet moment in a while.  Then I took in the moment with such an appreciation for the beauty that surrounded me. 

You know, I am freshly aware that one of the greatest challenges to a young mother is to truly enjoy the sweetness of this time of our life while we are in it…

No doubt, we will all look back on the time when our children are young with such tenderness; it will forever be reveled as a time of innocence and purity and I have no doubt that we will wish it back…we will wish it back. 

I am already wishing it back. 

The beauty of it is…this time is both brutally hard, exhausting, and frustrating…but it is equally magical,

yes…magical,

and beautiful, and amazing… 

I know for me, sometimes the hard things outshine the good.  I always feel so sad when I end up in bed in tears over the bad mommy day I had, how I was so grumpy, impatient, or just so negative about the day.  The best cure for me is to look over my sleeping babes and take a quiet moment (usually much too far past midnight) and open my eyes wide to my reality.  

Then I see the seeds I have been dropping along the way…

 the kisses I give…

blooming…

the bodies I feed, care for, hold, and chase around…

growing…

the little people who I take for granted that they will always be there…as little children…

becoming…

…I found myself distracted in the busy swift pace of the day…then I looked down and saw what ella was creating…

and I saw a seed growing…a new tree being created…just like me…just like mine…that would not be there…if it were not for me…

everyday is important. 

every moment is important.

the good ones.

the bad ones.

every seed that is planted will grow…into something beautiful…

xoxo

Tonya

waking first thing and feeling fresh and ready to face a new day…

truth be told…I have really been feeling like I have got my hands full.  With all it’s beauty and blessing, my days have been the hardest work of my life yet. 

 ( my past “career” with my crazy 12 hour shifts in the Emergency room seems like a cake walk these days…)

but without a doubt, this hard work is well worth it…

mornings are sweet.  my girls wake so happy.  the mornings really are so calm and peaceful.  some mornings, I even wake to ella helping her sisters to cereal and them all sitting chatting happily at the table watching mickey mouse clubhouse…

some mornings, i get to lay in bed and just take in how beautiful they look before they wake.

this morning, i woke to this 4 week old little face…

adam is such a joy to have in our home.  the other day, I was out back rocking him on the patio and he was sleeping in my arms.  I leaned down and gave him a little kiss on his forehead and he did the cutest little giggle/coo in his sleep…it was so dang sweet.

he is growing fast and we all love him very much…

life is both incredibly busy and slow at the same time right now.  i think the best way to describe it is by calling them the roller coaster days…we sure have our ups and downs, but I am trying my best to just enjoy the ride

the thing that helps me the most is stoping to see the small simple things that make my life beautiful…

every day is a blessing…

xoxo

Tonya

thinking of you Mom, and how you inspire me to {one day} be the Mother I have always been blessed with…i love you…

xoxo

Tonya

It seems at every stage of our life we are always looking for something meaningful to collect.  Today it took a few simple yellow wildflowers for me to see some of my daily beautiful collections. 

Why are these wilting hand picked little flowers worthy of a little photo session???…they are really the only tangible collection of the day, but they remind me of all the beautiful memories I can collect along with them if I just take time to “pick them out.”

The days have seemed a little longer lately.  Pregnancy is starting to tire me out a little and I have had my grummy mommy moments to go along with them.  I have been reluctant to punish myself with trips out to Target or Wal-mart…So instead we spent hours playing in the house…

Some of my “hand-picked” favorite moments to add to my collection of treasured memories…

….the morning batting practice held in the dining room with Dora Bats and purple gloves, taking breaks from sewing 3 sweet little polka dot spring dresses to play puzzles and learn a few more ryhming words, soap sudded crazy hair-dos in the bathtub, blanket tents built and torn down again and again, tears shed by sisters practicing the difficult tasks of sharing and “being nice” just because Mommy says too, homemade boboli pizzas and the sweet little fingers that grated the mozzarella and spread the sauce, requests for “barney, bottle, and a bed” by Mia in her sweet little language…

…how cute My Ava Olivia was at Golden Spoon tonight as she looked up with her big eyes and said..”my head hurts”…teaching her how to avoid brain freeze over a giggle and a hug was a real treat for me…

My favorite part of the day was taking our afternoon walk in the jogger. I need a triple jogger, but we make do with our double. I love to chat with the girls as they are all bundled up in their blankets waiting for the part when I let them out to run and play at the park.

Today we just all giggled as we attempted jumping jacks, ring around the rosy, relay races, and rolling down the grassy slope ( I watched of course!).

 On our way back up to the house, they all 3 walked hand in hand singing..”my sisters are my best friends” (ella apparently wrote the lyrics to this one) over and over again. Ella kept stopping to hug Mia and Ava smiled up at me.

I put it here, so hopefully my memory will last longer that way. Being a Mom really gets me. I have days where I feel like I am being tortured (really…somedays it just seems so hard) and I know that is all part of the job. So, for me, the best way to really enjoy it is to really focus in on and collect the good things. Put those moments and memories up on a shelf to see and remember.

And so, today I am so thankful for the four little flowers we each picked at the park this afternoon…I remember the way they looked tucked sweetly behind my little girls’ ears as they ran and played on this windy afternoon. When we arrived home and got out of our muddy pants and dirty clothes, I snatched these sweet flowers up knowing that I was really holding on to much more…

 the days memories…just like these flowers, would soon fade away…or get lost in all the busy moments of multi-tasking as a mommy…so instead of letting them wilt, I collect them, put them above everything else…somewhere special and like all beautiful things, want to share them…

so now that bathtime is over, the books that draw me close to my little ones have been read and tucked away, “ONE” game of princess UNO has been played, the girls are sleeping (finally), and I am left to the quiet (and the soft singing of Barney in the neighboring room as the DVD runs to it’s end)…I sit here to share a couple of my collected items…

hoping today, tomorrow, and each day I can always find something sweet to hand-pick and cherish…big and small…

xoxo

Mommy Tonya