The quiet actually is due to learning the trick to putting ella and ava to bed is in putting on a “boring old movie”…which basically means anything that does not inlcude zac efron on it’s cast list… (ava’s first love for sure)…

so in the quiet…I listened to adam’s soft breathing on one side and mia’s yawning on the other…

I just laid there for a few minutes enjoying the lull and watching the reflections of the occiasional car light that illuminated the walls as it made it’s way down the quiet street.  mia made a few little noises…and even though I thought she was asleep, she rolled over, put her arms around my neck, and she began to talk…

Mia still is transitioning from her well spoken dialect of “mianese” to that of slightly lucid english…which actually made this whole conversation so much sweeter in my mind…

She asked me if Grandma was still sick…she said that the doctor had helped her and that she had an “owey” on her arm. She mixed in a few sentences that I wish I could have made out…but ended up just finding deep satisfaction in how cute her voice sounded…

she was so serious…so sincere…so pure…so honest…

she talked about her grandma’s tummy (i am assuming her understanding the chemotherapy made her sick for a few days after each round)…she told me grandma’s hair would grow back and i barely make out in the dark room the cute gestures of long hair she made with a sweet smile on her face…

and then she said…

“i love grandma…so much”

her speech went from barely coherent…to crystal clear…and it was so sincere it touched my heart so much…i gleaned the little person emerging from my baby…i felt her love and concern for her grandma…i felt so humbled of the purity of her compassionate little spirit at such a young age…

I told her that grandma loves her very much too…and that grandma was done being sick and that, yes, her hair was going to grow back very soon…

and then i felt the tears swelling in my eyes and I told her that I love grandma very much too…that she is my mommy…i held mia a little tighter…and i told her that she is my mommy like i am mia’s mommy and i love my mom so much…

you never outgrow mom…

in fact, that just seems to be one of those things that grows more and more valuable with time…

(i love you mom…you are so beautiful)

then mia gave me a sweet little kiss and I could feel her little body relax as she traded her concerns and thoughts for sweet dreams and much needed slumber…

i slipped out of bed and left a prayer and a kiss on her sweet little face…

put adam in bed…

and was so thankful for the blessings of mother…

of mine…my strong…beautiful…humble…amazing mother…

and eternally thankful for the perspective again…and again…of how blessed I am to be Mom…

(my mom is doing well…done with chemo…and continuing to be such a source of love and goodness in all our lives)

we love you mom…

xoxo

Tonya Joy

“Don’t waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

for some reason in it’s antiquity…it strikes me as the new I need to refresh in my life…

It is so easy…to get down…to feel discouraged…to complain…the list goes on…but to do so and not see the blessings around you…such a foolish way to live…

so I am thankful for this beautiful wisdom…I am thankful to set the goal, again, each day to see the beauty…the good…

it is there…finely and delicately quilted in with the hard and frustrating…

really though…most of us…don’t have to look very hard or far to see it either…

things have been a little callenging lately at home…my girls are incredibly spirited…and have me on my toes at all times..and i have had times where i really have felt lost…wondering if I was doing things right…praying to be the best i can be for them…at times things seemed opaque despite my knowledge that this is the most important and rewarding job i can work at….

so here i am with light…clarity…love shining…pouring out of one little soul…

the beauty here strikes me…

this little girl…this spirited nearly 3 year old valentine…

is just what i need to refresh…

(dying over her posing!)

there is so much joy in our little ones!

and beautiful wisdom to be learned from what they teach us…

to strive for the right goals…

to look hard for the things that really make us happy…

to slow down at the wrong things…and work harder at the right ones..

the giggles…the sweet little bodies dancing in our lives…will grow to hold our hearts in all new ways…

so for now…i am challenging myself again…and again…

to see the magic in these little ones…

even in the most deserted, broken down, ugly of places…

beauty can always be found…

(i am so thankful for you mia…)

\

thank you for the beauty you bring into my world…

xoxo

Mommy

my sweet girl picked out some cute clothes( yup she styled this shoot)

…we left daddy with baby brother and the big bad sisters…

and went to play…

(don’t worry this was a fenced off abandoned road)

more to come of my little love…

xoxo

Tonya